Girls love to smell pretty. Don’t argue – it’s science. “But high-profile aromas in cute bottles can get pretty pricey,” you’re thinking. Stop right there. Wherever your thought process is leading you, it’s wrong. Don’t be frugal when it comes to fragrance. This goes double if you’re buying a special someone a swanky gift for a steamy occasion. So listen carefully: Do NOT buy these fragrances for anyone. Ever.

#5 – Whale Vomit
What do you mean it doesn’t sound like it smells good? This one probably makes you the Bell Of the Ball at SeaWorld. Who wouldn’t want that title? And honestly, whale vomit is used in almost any fine fragrance in the world, so why not just get a bottle directly from the source?

#4 – Republican
Yes, it’s true – the Grand Old Party just barely beat out whale vomit on the scent scale. After losing the Presidency earlier this year, they’ll take any good news they can. This fragrant oil is a complex blend that stands for conservative values, love of country, and a strong family unit. Translated into scent, the Republican fragrance smells like apples and roses.

#3 – K.I.S.S.

Just to clear up any confusion, this scent isn’t named after the act of love, but after the act of Dr. Love. Yes, you too can own the personally-endorsed smell of the rock band K.I.S.S. to wear to special concerts, night clubs and for trips to Detroit Rock City. Don’t worry, guys, the K.I.S.S. fragrance line is made for both men and women.

#2 – Play-Doh
Searching for that fresh, just-out-of-the-can, “eau de Play-Doh” aroma? You’re in luck. To make your gift extra special, Play-Doh Perfume also comes in a  50th Birthday Limited Edition bottle. Classy!

And finally – #1 – Burger King!

Yes, the King created an entire line of foodstuffs, a website, and a video game named after his legacy, but it just wasn’t enough. Something was missing from his empire that discriminating consumers demanded. Meat perfume. World, meet FLAME by B.K. So the King waved his bejeweled hand and voila! – a perfume that promises to be a “scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.”